Joy and Sorrow

I have been taught that in our grieving process, we have to accept our grief as part of our journey, not something we want to “get rid of” or “over.” On many days, I experience both blessings and “grief bursts.” I often call it my “roller coaster ride.” (I don’t like roller coasters, though)

I saw this poem about having two boxes. The main message to me was of God’s participation in helping walk through this journey. It is important to identify joy and sorrow, and give praise and thanksgiving to Him for the blessings and His promise that "He will never leave me, nor forsake me.” We can’t let go of what has caused the sorrow until we face it and grieve over it, otherwise we are “stuffing it” and it will eventually erupt in another place, because we were not built spiritually or emotionally to carry our burdens. 

Perhaps my two boxes are my prayer box and my prayer journal. I have a prayer box, that I put my prayer requests and concerns on individual pieces of paper. I have a prayer journal, that I write down everything I want to say to God after reading His Word each day. 

I found this poem on this website: 

http://www.poemsonly.com/poems/twoboxes.php

TWO BOXES - Limin Hong
I have in my hands two boxes,
which God gave me to hold.
He said, "put all your sorrows in the black,
and all your joys in the gold.

I heeded his words, and in the two boxes,
both my joys and sorrows I store.
But though the gold became heavier each day,
the black was as light as before.

With curiosity I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why.
And I saw in the base of the box a hole,
which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,
I wonder where my sorrows could be.
He smiled a gentle smile at me,
my child they're all here with me.

I asked, "God, why give me the boxes,
why the gold and black with the hole?"
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

the black is for you to let go."

I will continue to choose an attitude of gratitude for all of the journey, holding tightly to God's hand and reaching out for others on a similar journey.


 ⁷Casting the ^[a]whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, ^[b]once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you ^[c]watchfully. 

1 Peter 5:7 Amplified Bible

Your sister in Christ

Seeing God in All the Right Places

"Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound, 

that saved a wretch like me. 

I once was lost but now I'm found, 

T'was blind but now I SEE!!"

 Praise god

How clearly do you see God in your everyday world? I am so delighted when I see Him through other people, unexplainable events and when His words jump off the page from a scripture that I have read

countless times before. 

When I was a young mother, two of my favorite authors were Catherine Marshall and Marjorie Holmes. In Marjorie Holmes' book, "How Can I Find You God?" she named a variety of ways that we can find Him. Some I have already mentioned, but she added more: "Reading, birth, death, work, nature, church prayer, the arts, pain, the Holy Spirit and Loving." The longer I live, the more I find God in unexpected places. Many of the places she had mentioned in the book, but it was not until I went through another life experience that I would have a deeper understanding of what she had written in each chapter. Catherine Marshall's book, "The Helper,"describes so many ways the Holy Spirit deepens our awareness of who God is.
In a song I used to sing called, "He Was There all the Time," it gives a similar message of how God's Presence can go unnoticed, but He is still there.
Reading God's Word, reading inspirational books and singing inspirational songs have all planted the awareness of God deep within me. They prepared me for the dark times of my soul. Just like putting on a pair of glasses, in which the lens prescription has been prepared just for me, I sense that God has prepared special lenses for me to see Him over the years. I have KNOWN Him, not just about Him. It is a daily seeking after His heart.
And yet in this current season of my life, it is harder to see Him. I KNOW He has not left me, but this grief feels like a thick fog where I can't see much further than right now. I am told the fog will lift gradually, as I heal. For now, I just have to trust, wait and hold up my arms to be held by Him.

No words are needed.

One morning when I was seeking Him, I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to take off my glasses and hold them up to the lamplight. Sure enough, my glasses were so smudged that I was amazed that I could see anything. I quickly got a cloth and cleaned them. In the middle of my day, I held them up to the light again. They were smudged again. Going through my daily routine, I must, unconsciously, reach for my glasses and smudge then up repeatedly. Probably thinking by readjusting them, I will see clearer, but self adjustment does not help and even smudges them more. A lot of times, I just strain to see through them, forgetting that I can hold them up to the light and see that once again they need to be cleaned.
I think the Holy Spirit had a deeper message for me. I need to hold up my spiritual lenses, created just for my heart sight, to the Light, frequently throughout the day and make sure that my lenses are clear enough to see what God is showing me without straining to see. God knows what you need. Seek the Great Physician to help you see with the eyes of your heart. Hold the lenses to the Light frequently, throughout the day and make sure that they are clean enough to see Him through.

If I take off my glasses altogether, everything is pretty much a blur, like trying to see in a fog. Trying to wear someone else's glasses does not help either. God has a prescription for each of us. We may all have similar frames that our lenses fit in, giving them structure to sit on our ears and nose, but the lenses are just for us.(Sort of like, we may all read the Scripture and pray, but God will give us what WE need when we seek Him)
Another favorite author of mine is John Ortberg. I love his book, "God Is Closer Than You Think." He tells us that God is active in our lives whether we can see Him or not and describes things that may be clouding our perceptions. Our lives are so much more than what we can see, taste, feel, hear or smell. Let the Holy Spirit put the perfect lenses on the eyes of your heart, clean them frequently in the Light and see the world through God's perspective. God's Kingdom is waiting for your discovery.

Your Sister in Christ

God's Unique Creations

OK, I am not going to talk about sunrises everyday, but this morning's was another spectacular one. The sky was almost clear with just a little reflection of pink and purple, but it shown on the blanket of snow that covered the ground as if to say everything is made new, fresh and clean. The birds were singing an enthusiastic chorus to verify the sight. This sunrise was so different from the one three days ago. It struck me that God is such a magnificent creator, that no matter how long I live, I will never see the same sunrise or sunset. They are all unique. Every part of the day is teeming with unique sights that I have never seen before, or at least I look at them differently, even though I may have seen some of them before.
Each one of the snowflakes, that fell with yesterday's snow, all look unique under a special microscope. That is amazing to me. Each one of us is uniquely created, too, with God's own purpose planted deep within us. When my boys were little, I remember teaching them Bill and Gloria Gaither's song, "I am a Promise, with a CAPITOL P, (a great big bundle of potentiality). That does not stop when we get older.
In losing my husband of 43 years, I still have to battle thoughts from the Enemy that my life is over.
It is not. "As long as I have breath I can praise the LORD."

Psalm 150:6  Let everything that breathes praise the Lord. 

The sunrise this morning reminded me of a concept that I learned at a wellness conference I attended years ago, the speaker talked about F.T.E.s. If you hire staff, you may know that to mean how many "Full Time Equivalents" do you get to have to fill positions. In wellness terms, this speaker said an FTE meant "First Time Ever." Everyday that you are alive, God has built into your day some First Time Evers, uniquely for you. Can you name some of them that you had today?

This my First Time Ever to write about all the unique things God has created for each one of us. The day is full potential. Open the eyes of our hearts, Holy Spirit

Your Sister in Christ

The Windmill

In three days, I have witnessed three major changes in the weather, from blue skies, to a grey day to a pristine countryside covered in a white, snowy blanket. All three days have shown me the ever changing creativity of God and that only He can provide. A beautiful sunrise, rays of sunshine peeking through dark grey clouds and now a rare sight, in our part of Texas, a snowy white winter wonderland.
There are certain preparations that we have to do on the ranch, if the weather gets really cold. We have to prepare the windmills so the pipe won't freeze and break if the water freezes. Learning about windmills gave me insight to write an analogy to my prayer life. I hope it speaks to you, too.

"As you drive along the countryside, in West Texas, you usually come across a lot of mesquite and every so often, a windmill. One thing we have a lot of in West Texas is WIND. Windmills can withstand gusts over 50 miles per hour and it takes the wind and uses it for power. The power is to help the windmill produce a very precious resource for our dry area, water. 

Windmills remind me of Christians who have found the LIVING WATER. 

Jesus told the Samaritan woman, “Draw from my well and you shall thirst no more.”

Windmills loom above the miles of mesquite just as we Christians should stand out in our world, because of the inner joy we draw from the Living Water.  

One of our chores on the ranch is to make sure all of the parts of the windmill are working. The windmill has a fanwheel that turns in the direction of the wind. When the fanwheel blades move, the main shaft moves up and down. Prayer can be our tail to make the blades turn to turn our minds in God’s direction. God’s spirit is often described as “Wind.” So as prayer turns us in God’s direction, His Spirit, the Wind, can tap us into the Power of His Spirit. (John 3:8) The Hebrew and Greek word for “spirit” means “breath” or “wind.” Wind cannot be seen but it can be felt, and it cannot be stopped by humans. God’s Holy Spirit moves like the wind. 

The main shaft has sucker rods that connect to the underground water. As the wind turns the blades, the main shaft can draw water up through sucker rods and into the pond or water trough. It is the connection to the water that is below ground, unseen. Sometimes, Christians act like they are a windmill without sucker rods. We come to church, on Sunday, feel the power of God’s Holy Spirit, and then leave it at the church door as we go home. We struggle the other six days, on our own limited power. 

When icy weather comes, we will put a chain on the windmill to lock the blades down. That is so the sucker rods will not break while it is frozen with icy water. No matter how much the wind blows, the blades of the windmill won’t turn while the chain is in the locked position. Some people have chains on their souls, the same way, caused by guilt, hate, envy, pride or unforgiveness. Even the the Presence of God, the Wind, is all around them, they cannot tap into the Power or the Living Water. As soon as the icy weather has past, we release the chain that locked the blades, so that the windmill can produce water again. If the cattle, in the pasture, went without water, they would soon die from thirst. 

God can break the chains on our souls, too. If we believe in Him, and ask Him to forgive us, the chains will be broken and we can turn our hearts and minds toward Him. We can receive the power of His Holy Spirit to draw Living Water and produce the essence of life that God meant each one of us to have. "

I hope this quenches your thirst,

Your Sister in Christ

The Cloudy Day

This morning I woke up to. what is often called, a "grey" day. It was mostly cloudy. There was a place though where the clouds were thin enough that it looked like the sun was peeking through with a few rays of sunlight. It has its own beauty. Even when the clouds cover the sun, the sun is still there giving light, so that I know it is daylight and not dark. I don't need a flashlight to walk outdoors, there is enough daylight to see.

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I cannot see the sun, but I know, beyond a doubt, that it is still there. I cannot see God, but I know beyond a doubt that He is here.

My prayer for today:

"LORD, thank You for promising that You will never leave me nor forsake me. The cloudy day is a reminder of what is also going on internally with my clouds of grief. But I KNOW in my spirit, You are still here, PRESENT, Emmanuel, "God with us." Your rays of SON Light can reach me through the dark times. You are the Creator. If You want to use even the clouds to send me a message of the reassurance of Your Presence, You can do it. ALL things are possible for You! I put my hope and trust in You. I believe. I will stand.

As I write this, the clouds are parting a little and a few rays of sunshine are coming through, not in the same area of the sky, that I first saw them. LORD, You can appear where You want to, when You want, but Your invisibility does not negate Your Presence in my life. Sometimes I sense Your Presence, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I see Your Handiwork moving people and circumstances miraculously into place and sometimes I don't. But You are alive and active in my life at ALL times. When these grey clouds of grief limit my vision, and I don't see or feel, I don't understand, I don't know the next step to take, I can still whisper Your Name because You are in the midst of this journey with me. I trust Your Goodness, Mercy and Grace.

The Present

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and God is our strength, a very PRESENT help in times of trouble."

I love thinking about the meaning of words. one that I contemplated recently, during the Holidays, was the word, "PRESENT." It can be spelled the same way and have four different meanings. During the Holidays, a present or a gift is usually on our minds. Christmas reminds us of the present that God gave us in His Son, Jesus Christ. The Magi brought gifts to the new King. Another meaning of the word, present, can mean "here." Emmanuel is here or present with us. Still another meaning can be "now." We have often heard the quote, " God gave us today, that is why we call it the Present." The last meaning I thought about was using the word as a verb, present, as in giving information in a presentation.

So the four meanings:

Present - here

Present - now

Present - give

Present - gift

I can put all the "Presents" together and come up with a message of encouragement from God

"I AM PRESENT, in the PRESENT to PRESENT you a PRESENT."

Another way to put it:

I AM here, now, to give you this gift of Life.

Live it abundantly. It came at a high price. Thanks be to God and enjoy the day.

Your Sister in Christ

Prayer at Sunrise

I started this blog when I was recovering from surgery a few years ago. I was inspired by Katie Brazelton's book, Character Makeover, and actually thought I was responding to her blog and ended up, accidentally creating my own. Since I don't think it was an accident, it has stayed as a desire of my heart to write and share my faith with those that God leads here.

I tried to start the blog again, last year, in the midst of my grief recovery, after losing my husband of 43 years, but many adjustments to a new life kept me distracted. I have retired from my job now, I have written through 5 prayer journals in a year and, with the encouragement of friends, family and my grief counselor, I am trying again. I still have a lot to learn about this type of technology, but I am willing to see what the LORD wants to do with it.

My reason for wanting to share on this blog is based on:

1 Thessalonians 5:14 -22 says, "......Encourage the people who are afraid. Help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. Be sure no one pays back wrong for wrong, but ALWAYS tries to do what is good for each other and for all people. Always be joyful. Pray continually and give thanks for whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus." (NCV)

I have been inspired by many books, this year, but one that I have used each morning with my entry into a new day with God is, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. It has been my prayer journal prompt and I let the Holy Spirit lead me from there.

As I was writing this morning, I had the privelege of watching the sun rise. It is my daily reminder that God wants me to go on with my life, because He has given a beautiful picture, created by Him, to start the day.

"LORD, a beautiful sunrise is taking place as I write down this prayer. It brings the expectation of a new day. Just in the past 24 hours, new possibilities and hope for the future have risen, expressing my thoughts on a blog and maybe, a new job. For this moment I am satisfied to be right here, seeking You in prayer and in Your Word, wanting to draw closer. I want to KNOW You so well that my spirit is aware of Your Presence, sensitive to Your guidance every hour of the day, from moment to moment. I am never alone. Whatever I need to learn, LORD, teach me. Whatever You want me to do LORD, show me.

Now the sun is revealed halfway. There is still the promise of even more light to brighten the day on this cool, crisp morning that You have created, and that I get to witness and enjoy. Let the promise of Your Light enter into the darkest part of my heart, and sustain me as I begin this day of my on-going journey with You. I want to abide in You and You in me. That is the most important connection I can have. It is as precious as holding a shimmering jewel that reflects the "SonLight."

The sun is fully risen now, shining brightly through my window. Jesus Christ has fully risen, too, so lead me with Your Light into whatever the day holds. I don't want to waste one moment of thought or deed on anything that is not according to Your Will. So Be It, AMEN."

I pray that the Son shines on all that read this blog according to God's Perfect Timing and His Perfect Plan for you.

Your Sister in Christ

There are signs of spring, but it is winter in my heart

My husband died of cancer on December 2, 2010. My life has changed in so many ways since then. I have seen God's provision from sunrises to discovering lost friendships. So even though it has been a long time since I posted my first blog, I know that I am still making HIStory with God. As He continues to reveal His hand in this journey through loss and grief, I want to share how I see Him at work for me and through me. I look forward to springtime in my heart with the hope of new life in Christ.